"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. "

-Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot.  And suppose you were a member of Congress.... But then, I repeat myself.

-Mark Twain

I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity, is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

-Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

- George Bernard Shaw

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

-G Gordon Liddy

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

-James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

-Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

-P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.

-Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

-Ronald Reagan (1986)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

-Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!

-P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.

-Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

-Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

-Mark Twain (1866 )

Talk is cheap..except when Congress does it.

-Unknown

The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.

-Ronald Reagan

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.

-Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

-Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.

-Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.

-Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.

-Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.

-Thomas Jefferson

 Lesson 1:

 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her  shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

 When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

 Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

 After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

 The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

 When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes

 me?'

 Moral of the story:

 If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

 Lesson 2:

  A priest offered a Nun a lift.

 She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

 The priest nearly had an accident.

 After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

 The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

 The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up  her leg again.

 The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

 The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

 Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

 On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It  said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

 Moral of the story:

 If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

 Lesson 3:

 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch  when they find an antique oil lamp.

 They rub it and a Genie comes out.

 The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,  an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'  Puff! He's gone.

  'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

 The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

   Moral of the story:

 Always let your boss have the first say.

 Lesson 4

  An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.  

 A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

 The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'  So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

 Moral of the story:

 To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

 Lesson 5

 A turkey was chatting with a bull.

 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'  The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

 The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

 Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

 He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

 Moral of the story:

 Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

 Lesson 6

  A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

 While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

 As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

 The dung was actually thawing him out!

  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

 A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

 Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

 Morals of the story:

 (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

  (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

 (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

1) Age is not to be feared 

Older people are as happy as younger people. While they must make accommodations for age, seniors often report serene satis-faction with their life.

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2) Don't let your religious beliefs fade.

Religion can show us the way in a world in which bad things happen.It can teach us that much of what we see is so complex we cannot understand why and how it occurred.
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3) Do what you say you are going to do.

Nothing kills progress or deadens enthusiasm more than someone who talks but never follows through. It is crucial in both your home and your work life that you stay focused and committed to what-ever you say you will do.
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4) Don't be aggressive with your friends and family.

Even if you are right, there is nothing to be gained from letting yourself become adversarial with loved ones. Remember how much more important these people are to you than is the issue you are talking about.

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5) Root for the home team.

Living with the ups and downs of your area's favorite sports team will help you feel a part of the community and show you how much you have in common with your neighbors.
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6) Don't confuse stuff with success.

You are neither a better nor worse person for the kind of car you drive, the size of the house, or the performance of your mutual funds. Remember what really matters in your life.
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7) Every relationship is different.

If you've been disappointed by strained relationships with a friend or loved one, you must realize that each relationship is unique. Don't let tension with one person convince you that you lack the ability to be a good friend or a loving family member.
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8) Don't think "what if".

Spending your time imagining what would have been if you could have changed some little thing, some little decision in your life, is counterproductive and leaves you unhappy. Think about how you can improve for the future, but don't waste your present thinking about how you could have changed the past.
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9) Volunteer.

Every community has countless opportunities for giving of your- self. Be a reading tutor. Give your time to help the local charity thrift store. Anything you can do will not only help the world, it will also help you. Volunteers feels good about themselves. They have a sense of purpose, feel appreciated, and are less likely to be bored in their lives. Volunteers experience rewards that cannot be attained in any other way. Even if you don't have a lot of time or skills, find an hour a month and give yourself to a good cause.
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10) If you can't reach your goals, your goals will hurt you.

People who cannot attain their goals become consumed with disap- pointment. You must let your goals evolve with your life circumstances. Update your goals over time as you consider your changing priorities and resources.
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11) Exercise.

People who exercise, wether that involves an intense workout or just a regular long walk, feel healthier, feel better about themselves, and enjoy life more.
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12) Little things have big meanings.

Tiny things - the tone of your voice, the exact words you use as you go through otherwise ordinary events - communicate volumes.
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13) It's not what happened, its how you think about what happened.

There is no objective way to tell you if you have had a good life, a good day, or a good hour. Your life is a success bases only upon your judgement.
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14) Develop some common interests with loved ones.

Common interests can make it more fun to be around your family and friends. They can allow you to see that your bonds are much deeper than just circumstances.
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15) Laugh.

Don't spend your time evaluating humor, asking yourself, "Is it really funny?" or "Do others think it's funny?" Just react and enjoy it.
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16) Don't let your entire life hinge on one element.

Your life is made up of many different facets. Don't focus on one aspect of your life so much that you can't experience pleasure if that one area is unsettled. It can become all you think about, and it can deaden your enjoyment of everything else - things you would otherwise love.
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17) Share of yourself.

Don't hold inside your feelings, your thoughts, your hopes. Share them with your friends and family. People who hold things inside tend to feel isolated, believing that others do not understand them. Those who share feel both supported and more content, even if events do not go exactly as they wish.
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18) Busy is better than bored.

Find something to do, because the feeling that we have too much to do is much more pleasing than the feeling that we have nothing to do.
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19) Satisfaction is relative.

Your happiness is relative to a scale you yourself have created. If you measure your satisfaction right now against the two or three greatest moments in your life, you will often be unhappy because those moments can't be duplicated. If you measure today's satis-faction against some tough days you've had, you have all the reason in the world to appreciate this moment.
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20)Try to think less the people and things that bother you.

There are infinite numbers of things you could spend your time thinking about, but of us concentrate great attention on those things that we find most upsetting. Don't ignore what bothers you, but don't focus on it to the exclusion of the things you enjoy.

Put the glass down

Professor began his calss by holding up a glass with some water in it.

He held it up for all to see and asked the students”How much do you think this glass weighs?”

“50 gms!”…”100gms”…”125gms” the students answered.

“I really don’t know unless I weigh it.”sais the professor,”but,,my question is :What would happen if I hold it up like this for a few minutes?”

“Nothing”the students said.

“OK,What would happen if I hold it up like this for an hour?”

“Your arm woul begin to ache “said one of the students.

:You’re right,now,what would happen if I hold it for a day?”

“Your arm could go numb,you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure.” Ventured another student and all the students laughed.

“Very good,But during all this,didi the weight of the glass change?”

“No.”was the answer.

“Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?”

The students were puzzled.

“What should I do now to come out of pain?”asked professor again.

“Put the glass down!”said one of the students.

“Exactly!”said the professor.

Life’s problems are something like this.

Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time and they began to ache.

Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you.You will not be able to do anything.

Tt’s important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,but even more important is to PUT THEM DOWN at the end of every day before you go to sleep.

That way,you’re not stressed,you wake up every day fresh and strong and can handle any issue,any chanllenge that comes your way!